The Last Apprentice 
March 13, 1979
It seems like just yesterday when I was getting so excited over the oncoming winter season and now it’s nearly over. Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by too quickly.
These past 2-1/2 months have been wonderful. I’ve found myself so caught up in everything and everyone around me, which is good. Enjoy where you are, when you are, because it will never be the same next year, especially in my case. I won’t be in the same place next year.
My negligence in writing is not a measure of my thinking process during the past months. One month has passed since I last expressed myself in written words. Alice is gone and it’s been heavenly without her. Berenice and I are getting along real fine and I’m developing a stronger and stronger liking for her each day. Janette told me today that Thelma said, “Julie is the best assistant Berenice has ever had (according to Berenice). Thelma said, “I don’t know what Berenice is going to do when she leaves.” I never know how word-for-word these quotes are after passing through so many people!
Anyway, I’m leaving in May and just discussed it with Berenice this week. I don’t think she’s real pleased, but she’s been good about it, helping me choose prints for portfolios, etc. I just don’t want her to take my move personally. I almost feel like I’m leaving home. It seems like home here now (since Alice has gone!)
I’ve developed some strong and binding friendships here. It’s sad to move on, but the way my life is patterned. I’m just happy for this year in Maine to experience the things I have and meet the people who have played a major role in my life. Mark says, “distance, but no direction.” In my case, he’s wrong. My direction is what is causing my distance. I like the way my life is going. I finally seem to know how to enjoy now even when planning tomorrow. Seems I used to get so caught up in what I would be doing in a month or so that I let the day slip right past me.
I’m now in the process of checking out job possibilities. I’m leaving Blanchard in May whether I have a job or not. If not, I’ll take about three weeks to travel around Maine, then head somewhere? One plan at a time.
Thursday, February 8, 1979
We contact printed an Atget plate today.
I’m printing history . . . it is truly amazing. I’ll never again be able to duplicate this experience.
Berenice, “I told my students that photography was the art of the century. No one paid much attention to the comment at the time. Now they would.”
Berenice, “You have to use intelligence along with your eye when photographing.”
Berenice, “There are three basic things to remember and consider when photographing.
#1 Point of View. Where should you stand? Consider backgrounds, etc.
#2 Distance. Near or far from subject. Again, consider how much coverage your lens is taking in and how much do you want?
#3 Height. If you are photographing children, get down to their level. Don’t distort them by standing over them.
Berenice, (in talking about the Department of Docks building), “We have to bring these two extremes together, which means overexposing and underdeveloping.”
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Today was the first time I came close to tears with Berenice. Not out of hurt feelings, but from frustration. I try extremely hard to keep things clean and in order but she always seems to find something out of place. The past two days have been nearly unbearable. At one point I was ready to throw in the towel but the stronger side of me decided to stick right with it and try even harder.
Berenice doesn’t seem to realize the value I place on her work. I wish she really knew just how much I care about her negatives, prints and the preservation of them.
I’m not here for free rent. I could have that in three different states. Nor am I hear to get rich off my mere $30-$50/week. I am here to gain insight and knowledge from a person who has 80 years of living behind her and 60 years of photographic experience. I am here because I want to be.
Alice cruised out this morning. I said I would believe it when I saw it, but I still can’t believe it. Kevin and I helped her load her car. Thelma and Pat were here working and Berenice was wandering about.
February 4, 1979
Went downhill skiing today. The mountain was absolutely beautiful. The trees were smothered with snow and ice and the sun shone brilliantly. It was like a fantasy. I felt like a character in a fairy tale.
February 2, 1979
I just completed today’s work in the darkroom. Printed a 16×20 NY image and an 11×14 from a Lewis Hine glass plate that Berenice owns. What a treat. Yesterday I spent the entire day organizing, cleaning, and taking care of a lot of little things that needed done. These are the only two days of working with photography, since Berenice is gond for this week. I’ve had a good week, accomplished my duties for Berenice.
Spent most of Monday reading, writing, and relaxing.
Bartending has been good. A job that I enjoy.
Thelma tells me Alice is upset because I’m not helping her pack (as if I don’t have anything else to do.) She thinks all I do is “run around and have fun!” I’m working 50-60 hours a week!
Alice is moving. A recent decision. She doesn’t know how to be perfectly honest, so is blaming health reasons for her departure from Maine. She isn’t in the best of conditions, but that is not the main reason for leaving. Whatever. I’m happy that she is returning to Ohio. Maybe she’ll be able to experience a little happiness herself.
January 28, 1979
When I’m unable to write down new thoughts and experiences at precisely the time they are occurring, I find it difficult to express the intensity of them at a later date.
My additional job at Squaw has put an added light to the already pleasant life style. I seem to have the best of both worlds. Bartending enables me to be around people which I so desperately need and my photography and darkroom work, my own space and solitude.
Berenice just left for Portland today and will be away for a few days. She has been staying with us in Blanchard for about 10 days throughout the past two weeks. The first five days was a real test on my patience, but I succeeded. Alice and Berenice together in the same room was nearly disastrous. They are not compatible and never will be. Alice has decided to move back to Cleveland. I can hardly believe it! She’s been talking about it for three years. It will make them both much happier.
Berenice and I had some wonderful conversations. She told me a rather humorous story about the first time she and a girlfriend got drunk on port wine and whiskey (mixed together!) Also had a 30-minute discussion on “understanding light.” Lenses versus distance. And the use of filters. She is truly a wonderful teacher.
